I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does it feel to date your dad?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
