I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
