She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry about my life...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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