i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
