just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i'm inner monologue high
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
