I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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