I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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