sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
