everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
