Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
