I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
