but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
