I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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