Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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