My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
