this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
