Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
