Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
