got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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