It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Someone shattered a urinal.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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