Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
