Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
