**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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