it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
