You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
