How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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