we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
