ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
