I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were trust falling into bushes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
