I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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