Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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