I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
