Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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