Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
