just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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