The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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