I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
