you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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