He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
