captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
