you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
