Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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