Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
