You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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