I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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