i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
