I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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