i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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