Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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