Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
